girls and His plan

Before going into the appointment and finding out the gender of baby, I swore up and down I didn't care what we were having; and I truly meant it! I thought it'd be great to have a boy because Daddy would have someone to teach baseball, do dirty work with, and our future kids would have a nice strong brother to watch over them. Not to mention, I really wanted to go buy cute little red Toms and little blue jeans after finding out.  If it was a girl, that would be fantastic because I couldn't wait to use her name, be the one that she looks up to, and buy her ruffles and lace.  And I wouldn't have to deal with the hassle of circumcision quite yet.

While I was lying there getting the ultrasound and the woman was pointing out all of the tiny body parts like her brain, her femur, hands, feet, heart, etc., all I could do was cry.  Cry because I was so full of joy that God had blessed this tiny baby with everything it was supposed to have to live outside of my womb.  Cry because God had blessed Josh and I with a baby.  A baby!  Something that we prayed for during our wedding, and He has seen that through.  When the ultrasound tech told us that we were having a girl, the future zipped before my eyes faster than I thought possible.  And then I became scared . . .

When we left the appointment, a tiny sliver of sadness was over me.  We planned on going shopping for lots of clothes and girly things for her, but I wasn't even interested because my fear overcame my blessing.  What was I so afraid of?  I was so afraid that I was going to be partially responsible for raising a daughter.  I am going to have to be the one that teaches her self-confidence, the importance of purity, the importance of putting God before all else, and that's not even the tip of the iceberg.  How was I, a girl that has insecurities, lacks a strong, healthy relationship with God, and didn't even know the importance of purity until finding my Husband, supposed to teach this little girl those values?  On top of all of that, I only have experience with my nephew.  I know how to play with a boy, tell him jokes that he would think are funny, and find the way to be his "most favoritist ti-ti."  I know nothing about playing with little girls!  What do they think is funny?  Will she even like me or will she confide in her Aunts or other women in her life?  See what I mean about insecurities?

But then, God reminded me of something.  God reminded me that I have a past.  He has given me an abundant future.  I have a testimony.  I have Him and He needs me to raise up another believer that loves Him with all that she can.  Darn right I'm not perfect and I've got lots of room to grow, but I know that God has blessed me with a daughter for those exact reasons.  God has also blessed our daughter with the most amazing father anyone could possibly ask for.  With a mommy like me and a daddy like Josh, Baby Girl is going to grow, with our help and God's guidance, to be the woman that God has destined her to be.

And I find nothing but peace in that now.