After Josh and I got married, I was so eager to go out and buy a new marriage devotional; one that we could do together before going to bed at night ... all before we cuddled and prayed and talked about our happily ever after. But here's what took me some time to figure out: 1) Josh hates doing a structured devotional. He would rather read his Bible on his own without being guided by someone else's viewpoints, and 2) the "perfect" marriage devotional just didn't exist. Okay, so Josh didn't like doing devotionals, that's fine, I'd just search high and low for a good "how to be a godly Wife" book. I'm still on the search for that as well.
When I first found out that I was pregnant, I downloaded a few different apps on my iPhone, one of which was the What to Expect app. What I enjoyed most about my WTE app was that there was a forum where you could converse with other expectant moms about just about anything. You kind of "got to know" other moms who posted often. If you had any parenting questions or wanted to know if any other mom was feeling their baby kick so soon, if horrible indigestion was "normal," along with many other topics, that was the place to go. One thing that Josh and I argued most about while I was pregnant was that I was so hooked on these forums. I would tell him another mom said that this isn't normal or someone lost their baby and now I'm so worried about ours. He wouldn't have minded that I was interested in these forums if they didn't affect me ... but they did. I worried more, thought this or that wasn't normal, questioned every single thing that I felt (or didn't) and questioned different parenting techniques that he and I already discussed. Let me just say that I absolutely loved being pregnant and I cannot wait to go through it all again but I think that I could have enjoyed my pregnancy and the few days after birth more had I leaned more on Josh and put my faith in God throughout the whole thing rather than living it all through a message board. Now, that's not to say that I didn't trust in God and lean on Josh because trust me, I would have been a mess if I didn't!
Now that I'm a Mom and Wife, I want to be sure that I can be the most perfect that I can. I don't want to make big, scary mistakes!
While Josh and I were talking over dinner a few nights ago, he gently reminded me of something: that book and those resources that I've been seeking answers for has been under my nose all along. I needed to just stop and remember that if I just tune into God and listen to His voice, He would show me how to be the "perfect" Mom and Wife. That what other women have found to work in their marriage will not work in ours because God has designed us differently ... just as He has designed me and Keziah's relationship to be unique. I only need to tune in and listen to God and everything else will smoothly and perfectly fall into place. I don't think I'll ever nail the whole "perfect Mom and Wife" title, but God will definitely guide me as long as I'm seeking Him!
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